Monday, July 16, 2012

"Lazzari's Sports Roundup" - - - - 7/21/12

With warm weather comes something called "writer's block." So here are some more 'athletic matches' that have appeared in this column in the past:

Can you imagine if Notre Dame women's basketball coach Muffet McGraw married singer Jimmy Buffett--divorced--then married noted sculptor Kim Duffett? She'd be roaming the sidelines with the full married named of Muffet Buffett Duffett..........California physician Dr. Kathy Bak marries Singaporean photographer Ken Seet--divorces--then marries Green Bay Packers WR Donald Driver. Her full married name? Kathy Bak Seet Driver..........Colorado wrestler Trinity Plessinger marries NFL wide receiver Antonio Bryant, divorces, marries artist James Yale--divorces again--then marries Washington-based banker Joseph Tufts. Fans of some highly-regarded colleges here in the Northeast would surely delight in her full, married named of Trinity Bryant Yale Tufts..........If LPGA golfer Penny Hammel ever married Boston-area accounting professional Stephen Pincher, "cheapskates" out there would truly enjoy her married name of Penny Pincher..........Just wonderin': If tennis star Venus Williams married Tennessee surgeon Dr. William Fly--divorced--then married former NBA forward John Q. Trapp, would she then go by the full name of Venus Fly Trapp?..........Imagine this: New Haven Open tournament director Anne Worcester walks down the aisle with former MLB player Fred Lynn, divorces, marries former MLB third baseman Mike Lowell, divorces again, weds ex-outfielder Willie Norwood--divorces yet AGAIN--then marries ex-outfielder Daryl Boston. Lovers of Massachusetts geography would delight in her full married name of Anne Worcester Lynn Lowell Norwood Boston..........If Virginia-based financial advisor Deborah Garter walked down the aisle with MLB outfielder Brandon Belt, do you think she'd mind being referred to as Deborah Garter Belt?..........From my good buddy Dick Graham of West Haven: If the great Lucille Ball had once married NASCAR driver Steve Park--divorced--then married former MLB manager Herman Franks, she would have been known by the full name of Lucille Ball Park Franks..........Scenario: Singer Fiona Apple marries former NFL player Deron Cherry, divorces, then marries ex-NFL quarterback Milt Plum. She then divorces Milt and marries ex-slugger Darryl Strawberry. Could we then refer to her by the "fruity" name of Fiona Apple Cherry Plum Strawberry?..........Scenario: LPGA golfer Karen Stupples marries fellow golf pro Fred Couples, divorces, then marries San Diego realtor Jim Supples. She then walks around golf courses with the full name of Karen Stupples Couples Supples..........Just imagine if former All-American volleyball player April Chapple married ex-big leaguer Carlos May--divorced--then married former All-Pro linebacker Cato June. She'd make lovers of springtime very happy with the full name of April May June.........Louisville basketball star Jazz Covington marries comedian Chris Rock, divorces, marries NY Jets kicker Nick Folk--divorces again--then walks down the aisle with PGA golfer Fred Funk. Lovers of various musical genres would surely enjoy her full name of Jazz Rock Folk Funk..........Can you imagine if LPGA golfer Lori West married former MLB outfielder Bill North, divorced, married singer/songwriter Joe South--divorced again--then married DC-area environmental health specialist John East? She'd be strolling golf courses with the full married name of Lori West North South East..........University of Michigan law professor Debra Chopp marries former NFL fullback Matt Suhey. Lovers of Chinese cuisine would surely delight in her full married name of Debra Chopp Suhey..........Former U.S. gymnast Shannon Miller marries NASCAR driver Kyle Busch, divorces, marries Washington Nats special assistant Bob Schaefer--divorces again--then marries American ice dancer John Corona. Beer lovers everywhere would surely raise a glass to her full married name of Shannon Miller Busch Schaefer Corona..........Retired LPGA player Cathy Mockett marries Florida dog trainer John Lockett, divorces, marries ex-NFL RB Zack Crockett--divorces again--then marries Ansonia High (CT) football coach Tom Brockett. She'd be roaming fairways with the full, catchy name of Cathy Mockett Lockett Crockett Brockett..........Scenario: Team Canada kayaker Kia Byers marries former NBA guard Phil Ford, divorces, marries retired English footballer Greg Lincoln--divorces again--then marries former MLB pitcher Jose Mercedes. Certain auto manufacturers would rejoice as she is then known by the catchy name of Kia Ford Lincoln Mercedes..........Noted east-coast-based executive chef Debra Queen marries ex-NBA player Kareem Rush, divorces, marries former MLB outfielder Daryl Boston--divorces again--then marries University of Miami assistant AD Ben Creed. Fans of rock music would surely enjoy seeing her cooking up a storm with the full married name of Debra Queen Rush Boston Creed..........LPGA golfer Candie Kung marries Illinois attorney Stephen Corn. Lovers of Halloween candy would surely enjoy her married name of Candie Corn..........Former North Carolina swimmer Kristin Oxford marries NFL lineman Richard Seymour, divorces, marries former tennis player Todd Woodbridge--divorces again--then marries NBA Hall of Famer Earl Monroe. Those familiar with Connecticut towns would surely enjoy her full married name of Kristin Oxford Seymour Woodbridge Monroe..........Finally, imagine if Ohio State tennis player Nicole Flower walked down the aisle with former NFL running back Roosevelt Potts. Horticulturists throughout the land would surely take pleasure in her full married name of Nicole Flower Potts.


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