Monday, December 05, 2011

"Lazzari's Sports Roundup" - - - - 12/10/11

Yes, the saga continues--yet another compilation of some the "athletic matches" that have appeared in this column over the past few years......

Can you imagine if author Dara England married former NFL lineman Doug France, divorced, married ex-Eastern CT. State Univ. basketball guard Ed Spain--divorced again--then married former MLB pitcher Mark Portugal? Fans of European geography would surely delight in her full married name of Dara England France Spain Portugal..........Picture the scenario: singer Courtney Love marries contemporary artist Jim Shack. Fans of a popular tune by the B-52's would surely take note of her full married name: Courtney Love Shack..........Can you imagine if actress Eve Marie Saint had once married former Mets outfielder Johnny Lewis, divorced, then walked down the aisle with a MUCH younger man--New Mexico State infielder Joel Cardinal? She would have been sporting the full married name of Eve Marie Saint Lewis Cardinal..........O.K.--just imagine if total wellness coach Melissa Redd married former MLB shortstop Frank White, divorced, then married ex-big league pitcher Vida Blue. Patriotic people would then delight in her full married name of Melissa Redd White Blue..........Just thinking: If Appalachian St. track coach April Smith married former big league catcher Milt May, divorced, then married East Carolina martial arts instructor Charles June, she'd then be known as April May June..........Here goes: Former St. John's basketball player Kia Wright marries ex-NBA-er Phil Ford, divorces, marries University of the Pacific outfielder Kyle Dodge--divorces again--then marries Metro St. tennis player Mattia Ferrari. Auto lovers everywhere would delight in her full married name of Kia Ford Dodge Ferrari..........I'd love to see LPGA golfer Angela Stanford hook up with New Mexico State infielder Joel Cardinal. If they ever tied the knot, fans of a Palo Alto, CA school would surely delight in her full married name of Angela Stanford Cardinal..........New Jersey lawyer Karen Venice marries former NFL defensive back Bo Orlando, divorces, marries martial arts expert Ken Melbourne--divorces again--then walks down the aisle with PGA golfer Keith Clearwater. Fans of "The Sunshine State" would surely delight in her full married name of Karen Venice Orlando Melbourne Clearwater..........If golfer Jennifer Song someday marries professional poker player Steve Sung, divorces, then marries former Iowa defensive end/Arena Football League player Larry Blue, Neil Diamond fans would surely celebrate her full married name of Jennifer Song Sung Blue..........Longwood University Assistant Dean Kathy Charleston marries Cleveland Indians outfielder Shin-Soo Choo. Lovers of flavored nougat covered in chocolate would also savor her new married name of Kathy Charleston Choo.........Former Niagara basketball player Jessica James marries ex-NFL coach Chuck Knox, divorces, then marries Connecticut Tigers (NY-Penn League) outfielder P.J. Polk. Fans of U.S. presidential history would surely take joy in her full married name of Jessica James Knox Polk..........If New Orleans-based artist Jennifer Beach married former NFL defensive lineman Jerry Ball, would she then mind being referred to by her full, "summer-y" name of Jennifer Beach Ball?..........Former Citadel volleyball player Ashley Winter marries music superstar Stevie Wonder, divorces, then marries author Jon Land. Her full married name as the cold weather approaches? Ashley Winter Wonder Land..........I'd like to see former University of Florida golfer Eleanor Tucker hook up with English soccer player Andrew Rigby. If they ever walked down the aisle, fans of the Beatles' Revolver album would surely delight in the bride's new married name of Eleanor Rigby..........I'd love to see ex-professional tennis players Ann White and Andrew Castle hook up. If they ever tied the knot, fans of small, square hamburgers would truly delight in her full married name of Ann White Castle..........University of Maryland faculty researcher Heather Fogg marries former major leaguer Sam Horn, divorces, marries former Brown hockey standout Chris Legg--divorces again--then marries former NFL wide receiver Joe Horn. Fans of the old "Looney Tunes" cartoons would surely delight in her full married name of Heather Fogg Horn Legg Horn..........Finally, I'd love to see Debra Grand--a VP at the Bank of America--hook up with PGA golfer Fred Funk. If they ever tied the knot, fans of a great American band would surely enjoy her full married name of Debra Grand Funk.


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