Tuesday, November 08, 2011

"Lazzari's Sports Roundup" - - - - 11/12/11

*Yes, back by popular demand (seriously, folks!)--still more of the "athletic matches" that have appeared in this column over the past few years.......

Just thinking: If singer/songwriter Neneh Cherry ever married major league pitcher Phil Coke, soft drink lovers everywhere would delight in her full married name of Neneh Cherry Coke..........O.K.--here goes: Actress Tuesday Weld marries legendary North Carolina educator Bill Friday, divorces, marries former MLB outfielder Rick Monday--divorces again--then walks down the aisle with NFL center Jeff Saturday. She then graces film sets with the full married name of Tuesday Friday Monday Saturday..........Fathom this: English actress Jane March marries NFL assistant coach Bobby April, divorces, marries former MLB outfielder Carlos May--divorces again--then marries NFL linebacker Cato June. She then walks onto film sets with the full married name of Jane March April May June..........Picture this: TV personality/"Dancing With The Stars" beauty Brooke Burke marries former major league catcher Steve Lake, divorces, marries pop singer Billy Ocean--divorces again--then marries San Diego Chargers QB Philip Rivers. Her full married name carries an aquatic theme as she is then known as Brooke Lake Ocean Rivers..........Can you imagine if actress Lydia Cornell married former BC/Ohio St. basketball star Scoonie Penn, divorced, married Georgia attorney Bill Harvard--divorced again--then married former NFL QB Dave Brown? Fans of the Ivy League would surely delight in her full married name of Lydia Cornell Penn Harvard Brown..........Just imagine if legendary Canadian skier Nancy Green Raine married Kansas City Chiefs WR Dwayne Bowe, divorced, then married former MLB pitcher Steve Trout. Fish lovers everywhere would surely be enjoying her full married name of Nancy Greene Raine Bowe Trout..........Tennis great Virginia Wade marries Hall of Fame quarterback Joe Montana, divorces, marries former MLB player U L Washington--divorces again--then marries major league pitcher John Maine. Geography lovers everywhere would surely enjoy her full married name of Virginia Montana Washington Maine..........Here's another: Let's say that Georgia-based artist Carol John married NBA guard Chris Paul, divorced, married Coast Guard football coach Bill George--divorced again--then married sprint car racer Nick Ringo. Fans of the "Fab Four" would surely delight in her full married name of Carol John Paul George Ringo..........Can you imagine if former Sacred Heart University scholar-athlete Kathleen Henry married ex-Florida State LB Andre Wadsworth, divorced, then married former Gwynedd-Mercy College pitcher Kyle Longfellow? Poetry lovers would surely take notice of her full married name of Kathleen Henry Wadsworth Longfellow..........Scenario: Famed socialite (I'll stop short of saying "actress") Paris Hilton marries Wake Forest track star Phillip Warsaw, divorces, marries former Miami quarterback Brock Berlin--divorces again--then marries sports talk show host Jim Rome. Fans of European geography would surely get a kick out of her full married name of Paris Warsaw Berlin Rome..........Can you imagine if USC standout rower Robin Hextrum married former NBA player Rory Sparrow, divorced, married NFL linebacker A.J. Hawk--divorced again--then married sportscaster Ian Eagle? Members of the National Audubon Society would surely take pride in her full married name of Robin Sparrow Hawk Eagle..........Scenario: LPGA golfer Catriona Matthew marries former Michigan wrestler Steve Luke, divorces, marries University of Cincinnati chemistry professor Jim Mark--divorces again--then marries former MLB pitcher Tommy John. Gospel followers would truly delight in her full married name of Catriona Matthew Luke Mark John..........Here goes: Shakopee, MN councilwoman Pamela Punt marries former Patriots RB Patrick Pass, divorces, then marries ex-Dolphins RB Jim Kiick. Fans of youth football competitions would surely take notice of her full married name of Pamela Punt Pass Kiick.........Finally, let's throw in a brand new one (courtesy of my good friend/CT high school football coach Frank Marcucio--who chimed in with this gem last weekend): Just imagine if the Big East and the MAAC conference merged at some point in the future. Could it then be called the Big MAAC conference????

More to come, folks.......


At 3:40 PM, Blogger SportAholic said...

The Big MAAC, that hilarious.


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