Tuesday, June 28, 2011

"Lazzari's Sports Roundup" - - - - 7/2/11

As the summer of 2011 officially kicks off (and writer's block takes hold), why not re-visit even MORE of the "athletic matches" that have appeared in this column over the years?

Question: If former RIT volleyball player Tracy Wilt were to wed N.Y. Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain, would she automatically grow taller while possessing the full, married name of Tracy Wilt Chamberlain?..........I'd like to see a romance bloom between former Georgia equestrian team member Allie Hush and ex-Yale DB Adam Money. If they ever tied the knot, she'd be sure to keep quiet at certain times while walking around with the full, married name of Allie Hush Money..........Can you imagine if professional kickboxer Elaina Maxwell married former major league pitcher Tom House, divorced, then married ex-Alabama running back Glen Coffee? Java lovers everywhere would surely delight in her full married name of Elaina Maxwell House Coffee..........Can you imagine if former Savannah College golfer Ashley Warsaw married ex-NFL lineman Bubba Paris, divorced, married sports talk show host Jim Rome--divorced again--then married former NFL receiver Eddie Berlin? Fans of European geography would surely get a kick out of her full married name of Ashley Warsaw Paris Rome Berlin..........I'd love to see former LPGA player Donna White hook up with former major league catcher Steve Christmas. If they ever walked down the aisle, Irving Berlin/Bing Crosby fans everywhere would surely delight in her full married name of Donna White Christmas. And if former LPGA player Mary Bryan married ex-NFL RB Floyd Little, divorced, then married the aforementioned Christmas, carolers could then call her Mary Little Christmas.........Just wondering: If former top-ranked tennis player Lindsay Davenport ever married ex-Catholic University wide receiver Matt Lohan, would she even WANT to be known by her married name of Lindsay Lohan?..........Can you imagine if former pro boxer Erica Sugar married ex-big league pitcher Jim Ray--divorced--then married PGA golfer Justin Leonard? Fans of the "sweet science" would surely delight in her full, married name of Erica Sugar Ray Leonard..........Just imagine if William Paterson University basketball player April Smith married former NBA player Scott May, divorced, then married Methodist University football player Thomas June. Lovers of springtime would surely delight in her full married name of April May June..........Can you imagine if former Jensen Beach High (FL) softball star Christen Moon ever hooked up with former major league pitcher Bob Walk? If they ever tied the knot, fans of Michael Jackson would surely enjoy her full married name of Christen Moon Walk..........Question: If sportscaster Hannah Storm ever married Hall of Fame QB Joe Montana, would she REALLY want to be known by her new married name of Hannah Montana?..........Just imagine if LPGA player Michelle Wie married New Britain Rock Cats VP/GM John Willi--divorced--then married former Clemson tennis player Ian Keeler. Fans of old-time baseball would surely be smiling as she'd be strolling the golf course with the full married name of Michelle Wie Willi Keeler..........Just thinking: If LPGA golfer Meena Lee married former big league pitcher Bryan Harvey--divorced--then married former BYU lineman David Oswald, would she REALLY want to be known by her full married name of Meena Lee Harvey Oswald?..........If former Texas Tech golfer Tracy Stanford married ex-UCONN RB Donald Brown, divorced, married PGA golfer Ken Duke--divorced again--then married ex-Trail Blazers VP Tom Penn, various college fans would truly delight in her full married name of Tracy Stanford Brown Duke Penn..........Submitted by column reader Abe Knaster of New York: If famed socialite Ivana Trump married pop singer Neil Diamond, divorced, then married legendary golfer Jack Nicklaus, she'd be attending cocktail parties worldwide reeking of "high maintenance" with the name of Ivana Diamond Nicklaus..........Can you imagine if former MIT basketball player Kimberly Soo Hoo married former British boxer Jim Watt--divorced--then married PGA golfer Mike Weir? Inquisitive minds would surely delight in her full married name of Kimberly Soo Hoo Watt Weir..........Finally, with a slight assist from my colleague Norm Bender: Former Olympian Carol Lewis (sister of Carl) marries former Steelers WR Louis Lipps, divorces, marries PGA golfer Stewart Cink--divorces again--then marries Florida builder/developer Peter Shipps. Her full married name winds up being Carol Lewis Lipps Cink Shipps.


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