"Lazzari's Sports Roundup" - - - - 07-22-07

If I'm writing sports headlines.......

*Point guard Mo Williams re-signs with the Milwaukee Bucks: Six "Mo" Years For Williams
*Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher Randy Johnson placed on the disabled list AGAIN due to back problems: Diamondback-Ache!
*NBA'ers Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson suspended for the first seven games of the upcoming season due to continued legal woes: Double Trouble
*Should big league teams someday start a bidding war for Blue Jays pitcher Jesse Litsch: Rich Pitch For Litsch
*N.Y. Giants coach Tom Coughlin dealing with the big mouths of Plaxico Burress, Michael Strahan, and Jeremy Shockey during the 2007 season: Giant Headaches
*Ichiro Suzuki signs a 5-year, $90 million extension with the Seattle Mariners: $$$uzuki $$$igns
*The New Britain Rock Cats' bullpen continues to blow games left and right: Cat-Astrophe!
*USA softball pitcher Jennie Finch strikes out all SIX Dominican Republic batters she faces during the World Cup: Dominicans A Cinch For Finch
*N.Y. Yankees pitcher Phillip Hughes' desire to return to the starting rotation: Young Hurler Hopes To "Phil" Roster Spot
*Roger Federer wins FIFTH singles championship on the grass courts at Wimbledon: Class Of The Grass
*Golfer Jonathan Byrd wins John Deere Classic: At Deere, It's All Byrd
*Guy Abrahamson named soccer coach at St. Peter's College: Divine "Guy"-Dance
*Minnesota Vikings CB Cedric Griffin arrested after an altercation at a Minneapolis nightclub: 'Sota Jerk
*If Cincinnati Reds outfielder Ryan Freel ever became a superstar: Freel The Real Deal
*NHL MVP Sidney Crosby signs a 5-year, $43.5 million extension before reaching the age of 20: Tons Of Green For Pittsburgh's Teen
*Braves pitcher Buddy Carlyle shuts down the Pirates: Carlyle No "Buddy" To Pittsburgh Lineup
*Sportscaster/former player Bill Maas arrested on drug and weapons charges; will not return to Fox after working there ten years: "No Maas" At Fox
*Should any Florida Marlins player sign a huge, multi-year contract: A Fish-Full Of Dollars
*American Christie Kerr wins the LPGA U.S. Women's Open: "Kerr"-Iffic!
*Agent Scott Boras reportedly seeking more than $30 million per season for his superstar client Alex Rodriguez: PAY-ROD
*N.Y. Yankees reliever Kyle Farnsworth gets roughed up again in relief: Vile Kyle
*Boxer James Toney and his opponent Danny Batchelder BOTH flunk steroid tests after their recent bout: A Ring Raging With 'Roids
*N.Y. Rangers to bring back long-time veteran Brendan Shanahan for one more season: Career Of Brendan Still Not Endin'
*S.F. Giants outfielder Barry Bonds breaks Hank Aaron's all-time HR record of 755: A Checkered Record or The San Francisco Cheat or Henry's Record Falls, American Public Bawls or 'Frisco Fraud or Giant Injustice
..........and finally
*New York Mets honor broadcaster/Hall of Famer Ralph Kiner: No One Finer Than A Man Named Kiner