Wednesday, March 28, 2007

"Lazzari's Sports Roundup" ---- 03-31-07

If I'm writing sports headlines.......

*N.C. State's women's basketball team, under coach Kay Yow, defeats Duke in the ACC semifinal game: "Yow-za!" Wolfpack Advances To Final
*Golfer Retief Goosen shoots rounds of 77 and 78 at the CA Championship: "Goose" Eggs
*Knicks shoot a pitiful 12-for-24 from the FT line and 2-for-14 from 3-pt. range during an embarrassing 90-68 loss to Cleveland: New York Bricks
*Yankees P Chien-Ming Wang hits an opposing batter in 2007--sparking a bench-clearing brawl: "Chien" Music
*Jason Kidd of the Nets turns 34-years-old: No Longer A "Kidd"
*Las Vegas casino mogul Steve Wynn decides not to pursue the N.Y. franchise to operate thoroughbred racing: A No "Wynn" Situation
*Pittsburgh loses to UCLA in the Sweet 16 after missing a variety of shots from very close range: A "PITT-iful" Performance
*Penn St. women's basketball coach Rene Portland--although having coached 27 years with over 600 victories--resigns after two straight losing seasons: Portland Aura Gone
*NASCAR officials make a major miscue on pit road during the Busch Series Sharpie Mini 300--enabling Carl Edwards to emerge victorious: Busch League
*Aforementioned Yankees pitcher Chien-Ming Wang to miss at least the first three weeks of the '07 campaign with hamstring problems: "Wang" Way To Start The Season
*During the NCAA's "big dance," Memphis' Antonio Anderson continues playing after receiving 15 stitches above his eye after being elbowed: "Dancing" With The Scars
*Southern CT St. University women's basketball team wins the Division II championship: "Hoooo"-ray For Owls--Win National Title
*Georgetown's Jeff Green hits the game-winner in the NCAA tournament vs. Vanderbilt--although it appeared he traveled on the play: Green "Steps" It Up--Leading Hoyas Past Vandy
*76ers president Billy King decides to bring back coach Mo Cheeks for another season: One "Mo" Year For Cheeks
*Wesleyan pitcher Jonathan Sargent fails to make it past the first inning during a 19-0 loss to Chapman: Sargent Slaughtered
*Raiders RB Dominic Rhodes pleads guilty to reckless driving: "Rhodes-side" Danger
*Yale makes five errors--leading to SIX unearned runs--during a 7-2 loss to Jacksonville St.: Bulldog Blunders
*Sergio Garcia taps in for a three-put at Doral--then spits into the cup: Spittin' Spaniard
*Penn St. football coach Joe Paterno, 80, appears on the gridiron as his team begins spring practice--five months after undergoing knee ligament surgery: "Kneed-less" To Say, Joe Back On Field For Lions
*American skier Bode Miller fails to finish his first run and finishes fourth overall at the World Cup in Switzerland: Swiss Slopes Don't "Bode" Well For Miller
*Michelle Wie to miss the Kraft Nabisco Championship while recovering from injury: Rest For The "Wie-ry"
*Florida P Dontrelle Willis caught urinating in public: Marlins M-V-Pee
*Illinois St. beats an exhausted Rice team in TRIPLE OT in the WNIT: Fried Rice
*Dolphins LB Joey Porter punches Cincinnati lineman Levi Jones after trash-talking at a Las Vegas casino: 'Backer Blitzes Bengal
*Texas Rangers 2005 minor league pitcher of the year Thomas Diamond to undergo season-ending Tommy John surgery: Diamond In The Rough
*Houston Texans release QB David Carr--their former top draft pick: Texans No Longer Riding "Carr" On Way To Respectability
*N.Y. Knicks guard Steve Francis complaining about playing time: Grievin' Steven
*Finally, former PGA Tour player Budd Allin dies of cancer--a man who dedicated his life to service and commitment: A "Bud" That Truly Blossomed

Bob Lazzari

Reprinted by permission of the Valley Times.


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