Monday, February 19, 2007

"Lazzari's Sports Roundup" ---- 02-24-07

Lazzari's "Question of the Week": In which of the following does the most CHEATING take place: a prison poker game, tax filing by the American public, college athletic recruiting, or NASCAR racing?...
..........N.Y. Yankees pitcher Andy Pettitte was recently asked by the New York Post just HOW close he came to retirement--to which he replied, "I never totally had my mind made up." Ah, just goes to show you what 16 million greenbacks can do to change one's mind in a heartbeat. That insane amount of money had the former Astros pitcher bolting from the Lone Star State faster than a famished cheetah chasing its dinner..........TRIVIA QUESTION: Name the last British male and female to win the singles title at Wimbledon; answer to follow..........The other day, I was trying EXTREMELY hard to understand the rationale behind former NBA guard Tim Hardaway's recent idiotic, homophobic comments--then I realized that a large portion of the league's alumni are NOT what one would call Mensa material..........Can you imagine if Trinity College women's hockey player Emma Handy ever tied the knot with former NFL lineman Charles Mann? Fans of old James Taylor tunes would enjoy seeing the bride skating around with the married name of Emma Handy Mann...
..........I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that the amount of money that Yankees SS Derek Jeter spends on his DATES over a typical six-month period exceeds the total amount of money yours truly has EARNED over the past five years..........Lazzari's "Lopsided Score of the Week": In a CT girls high school basketball game last week, East Hampton defeated Old Saybrook 43-12; the losing squad scored ZERO (not a misprint) points in both the second and third quarters of this fiasco. I haven't seen THAT kind of "dry spell" since an old college buddy of mine went from 1985 to 1990 without going on a date....
..........This week in sports history, February 25, 1987: The NCAA comes down hard on the Southern Methodist University football program--prohibiting the school from fielding a team in the fall and limiting its 1988 schedule. The institution was disciplined due to a variety of violations--including illegal recruiting and payoffs to players; SMU was also penalized with a reduction of scholarships and four years probation..........Congrats to UCONN women's basketball guard Mel Thomas--who was recently named to the CoSIDA Academic All-District 1 Second Team. It's refreshing to read about a Husky athlete's excellence off the court as opposed to those various UCONN athletes who've lately landed IN court..........ITEM: Detroit Lions assistant coach Joe Cullen is sentenced to two years probation for driving nude and impaired. I guess no one in the Lions organization ever told Cullen that the "naked bootleg" is supposed to be executed ON the field and NOT away from it..........I'm now wondering if the aforementioned dolt Tim Hardaway dislikes Memphis Grizzlies rookie Rudy Gay simply because of his last name..........All I'll say about the new 2007 SI Swimsuit Issue is THIS: page 158, guys--that's ONE-FIVE-EIGHT..........Answer to trivia question: FRED PERRY--who won the men's title in 1936; VIRGINIA WADE was the last female--winning the title in 1977...........ITEM: N.Y. Yankees general partner & Steinbrenner son-in-law Steve Swindal is busted for DUI in Largo, FL. Question: Was this gentleman thinking of the "fine Yankee tradition" when he got behind the wheel and put various people's lives at risk?..........Happy birthday wishes go out to former major league pitcher Denny Lemaster--who blows out 68 candles on February 25th. Lemaster pitched a total of 11 big league seasons from 1962-1972 for the Braves, Astros, and Expos--winning 90 career games. A 17-game winner for Milwaukee in 1964, his effectiveness was truly limited by arm problems thereafter. Although genuine big league stardom was never quite within his grasp, Lemaster DID fan ELEVEN straight batters while playing minor league ball in 1959. Best wishes, Denny..........Finally, condolences go out to the family of softball legend Eddie "The King" Feigner--who died recently at the age of 81. Feigner was the featured performer of "The King and his Court" for over 50 years--a barnstorming quartet started in 1946 featuring Feigner's amazing pitching deliveries; between-the-legs, behind-the-back, and blindfolded pitches were but a small part of the man's entertaining arsenal while performing. Eddie Feigner is said to have pitched over 10,000 games in his career--and his fastball was once clocked at well over 100 miles per hour. We'll miss you, Eddie; long live "The King."

Bob Lazzari

Reprinted by permission of the Valley Times.


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