"Lazzari's Sports Roundup" -- 10-09-04

An arbitrator has ruled that former Dolphins RB Ricky Williams must repay the team $8.6 million in bonus money after he unexpectedly quit the team. For some reason, my VISA bill doesn't look as big anymore..........TRIVIA QUESTION: Who were the first two teammates to amass 30 home runs and 30 stolen bases in the same season? Answer to follow..........What's the definition of a "true-blue baseball fan?" Answer: If you were one of the few thousand people in attendance at the September 22nd Kansas City/Tampa Bay game--AND you actually stayed through extra innings to see the pathetic Royals defeat the lowly Devil Rays 7-6..........From the "Lazzari Matchmaking" Dept.: Can you imagine if former tennis player Anne White had married PGA golfer Olin Browne, divorced, married former pitcher Vida Blue--divorced again--then married former NFL kick returner Mel Gray? She'd now be sporting the colorful name of Anne White Browne Blue Gray..........Did you know that, in 1942, Cardinals pitcher Johnny Beazley won 21 games as a rookie--but wound up winning only 31 games in his entire career? Turns out he entered the Air Force shortly after that memorable season, proceeded to hurt his arm, and was never the same pitcher when he returned..........I'm still waiting to lose some sleep over the NHL lockout, but it hasn't happened as of press time..........Poor Cheyney University of Pennsylvania. Going into this weekend, their football squad has been outscored 312-32 so far--including a 98-7 thrashing at the hands of Western Illinois (who led 70-0 at the HALF) earlier this season. The amazing part? Cheyney actually WON this year on September 18th--defeating West Virginia State 6-0..........Some more Chris Berman-inspired "Lazzari Nicknames" for you--past and present: Paul "Maxwell House" Coffey, Tommy "Kramer Vs." Kramer, Mark Prior "Engagement," Lem Barney "Rubble," Jim "Kit Kat" Barr, Brandon "World Wide" Webb, Mark Carrier "Pigeon," Cedric Maxwell "Smart," and Charles "Carlito's" Way..........This week in sports history, October 11, 1991: PGA veteran Chip Beck shoots a dazzling 59 during the third round of the Las Vegas Invitational--becoming only the second golfer ever (first being Al Geiberger, 1977 Memphis Classic) to shoot below 60 in a PGA event..........If arthritic-kneed shooting guard Allan Houston of the Knicks is worth $17 million per season, then Jessica Simpson is a Rhodes Scholar and Britney Spears' recent marriage will last 30 years..........No, I won't congratulate Cincinnati Reds outfielder Adam Dunn for recently breaking Bobby Bonds' long-standing record for strikeouts in a season (formerly 189). But give this guy credit for having the GUTS to go out there and take his cuts every day while not being afraid of breaking such a dubious record. This is in direct opposition to the actions of baseball's all-time coward Jose Hernandez--who sat out the final few games a couple of years ago in order NOT to break Bonds' mark..........I saw a recent advertisement for a "fall golf package" at the Course at Yale: $100 per person--including greens fees, cart and a box lunch. Question: Is this supposed to be a BARGAIN? For that price, a golfer should receive a BUFFET lunch--along with a dozen golf balls, a new golf shirt, and a post-round massage..........Answer to trivia question: HOWARD JOHNSON and DARRYL STRAWBERRY--who were both members of the "30-30 Club" for the second-place N.Y. Mets in 1987..........Valley Times sports editor Bill Pucci just celebrated another birthday. Without divulging "Pooch's" age, let's just say he was born when Mel Ott was still managing, when golf clubs were made of wood, and when Sammy Baugh was playing offense AND defense for the Washington Redskins..........Candlestick Park in San Francisco has been renamed "Monster Park" after the electronic cable company paid millions for its naming rights. Is ANYTHING sacred anymore? What's next? Maybe we'll soon see Weight Watchers follow suit--naming a ballpark after their organization while disallowing hot dogs, soda, beer, and any other fattening "goodies" at the concession stand..........Question for Vijay Singh: After winning EIGHT titles and close to $10 MILLION this year on the PGA Tour, can't you smile/show a little emotion just ONCE IN AWHILE? One thing's for certain: If I was a multi-millionaire like Singh (a man who travels internationally, has substantial investments/endorsements, and makes his living hitting a small ball on plush, immaculate golf courses), I'd ALWAYS have a smile on my countenance the size of the back nine at Augusta..........Finally, happy birthday wishes go out to former big league catcher/first baseman Gene Tenace--who blows out 58 candles on October 10th. Born with the given name of Fiore Gino Tennaci, Tenace played 15 seasons with the A's, Padres, Cardinals, and Pirates--while slugging 201 home runs. A member of three world champion A's teams during the ‘70s, he will be best remembered for his performance in the '72 Fall Classic against the Cincinnati Reds--when he hit four home runs and was named World Series MVP. Here's hoping you celebrate many more, "Gino."

Bob Lazzari

Reprinted by permission of the Valley Times.