"Lazzari's Sports Roundup" -- 12-25-04

Here's an NBA update for you former fans who've stopped watching due to the league's lack of offense/discipline, "bad boy" reputation, and overall boring nature: In one night of basketball last weekend, TEN teams failed to reach the 100-point mark while the Detroit Pistons shot a laughable 29 for 92 from the field vs. Portland. Translation? You haven't missed much, folks..........TRIVIA QUESTION #1: Who was the first golfer to win all four major championships in his career? Answer to follow..........Troubled heavyweight fighter "Iron" Mike Tyson recently relayed the following words to the New York Post: "I've never had to wait in line for anything and I've always been able to get a good-looking girlfriend." Thanks, Mike, for sharing your life's skewed priorities with us all. Somewhere, your former mentor/trainer Cus D'Amato is turning over in his grave..........I could have sworn I heard thunder during last week's snowstorm here in New England, but then I found out it was actually Eagles coach Andy Reid groaning loudly after finding out that star WR Terrell Owens will undergo surgery and may be lost to the team for the remainder of the year..........Of the following, which will happen first: yours truly winning the lottery, Scott Peterson being executed, a week of non-stop sunshine in New England, or something intelligent coming out of the mouth of Pedro Martinez?..........Happy birthday wishes go out to former big league pitcher George "Storm" Davis--who blows out 43 candles on December 26th. A Texas native, Davis pitched 13 seasons with the Orioles, Padres, A's, Royals, and Tigers--winning 113 games while pitching to a lifetime ERA of 4.02. He was also a member of the A's 1989 world championship squad--a year in which he won an impressive 19 games..........Answer to trivia question #1: GENE SARAZEN--who won the U.S. Open and the PGA Championship in 1922, the British Open in 1932, and the Masters in 1935..........Didn't we ALL like Colts quarterback Peyton Manning MUCH more before he started doing these pathetic MasterCard commercials?..........TRIVIA QUESTION #2: What former National League infielder hit 20 or more home runs in a season TEN times, but never hit more than 30? Answer to follow..........This week in sports history, December 26, 1955: In his final NFL game, Cleveland Browns quarterback Otto Graham completes 14 passes for 202 yards--leading his team to a 38-14 victory over the Los Angeles Rams for the NFL championship. Graham would throw 50-yard and 35-yard scoring strikes to Dante Lovelli and Ray Renfro, respectively; Otto would also score two touchdowns himself on runs of one and 15 yards..........Call me strange, but I have WAY too much fun pronouncing the name of Pittsburgh Steelers defensive end Kimo von Oelhoffen..........If anyone out there runs into sports editor Bill Pucci over the holidays, be sure to ask him about the obnoxious, cackling, inebriated woman who sat a few tables away from us at the recent Valley Times' Christmas party. Geez, and I used to think Dick Vitale and some of my ex-girlfriends were loud..........Hockey player Daniel Bognar of Canisius College has been arrested after exposing himself and fighting with customers at a fast food restaurant. I guess he dropped more than his GLOVES before being involved in this fight, huh?..........If New York Mets GM Omar Minaya is not partial to Latinos in his hiring practices/personnel moves, then every member of the University of Miami football team is a Rhodes scholar..........Lazzari's "Lopsided Score of the Week": In a Connecticut girls high school basketball game two weeks ago, Cromwell High defeated Cheney Tech 51-3; yes, folks, I said THREE. A pessimist dwells on the fact that the losing squad failed to score AT ALL in two separate quarters and failed to reach double-figures as a team. An optimist points out that the Cheney Tech girls did not get shut out and that the season DOES come to an end at some juncture in 2005.........."Kimo von Oelhoffen"--(I just laughed)..........Answer to trivia question #2: RON CEY who, as a member of the Dodgers and Cubs, hit 20 or more round-trippers ten times--but never clubbed more than 30 in a season..........Watching an NFL lineman trying to pick up a fumble is like watching someone eating Chinese food with chopsticks while wearing boxing gloves..........Did you know that, in 1930, pitcher Lefty Grove of the Philadelphia Athletics led the major leagues in wins and strikeouts--but also had more SAVES than any other hurler? His 9 saves would be tops in both leagues--as well as his .848 winning percentage (28-5 record)..........Condolences go out to the families of former major leaguers Ted Abernathy and Bobby Mattick--both of whom passed away recently. Abernathy, who was 71, pitched for seven teams during his 14-year career and led the National League in saves twice--first in 1965 as a member of the Cubs and also in 1967 while wearing a Reds uniform. Mattick, who died of a stroke at the age of 89, was a former infielder with the Cubs and Reds but perhaps better-known as the manager of the Toronto Blue Jays in 1980 and 1981. May they rest in peace..........Finally, it's that time of the year when I'd like to extend a Merry Christmas/happy holiday season to all. First, I'd like to thank sports editor Bill Pucci and the entire staff of the Valley Times for their confidence and support weekly. I'd also like to recognize my lovely and talented proofreader/friend Susanne Metcalf for her continued, undying assistance and incomparable attention to detail week in and week out. Above all, my gratitude goes out to all the sports fans out there who've been such a terrific audience once again in 2004. Thanks for being there, folks; please take the time to enjoy this very special time of the year.

Bob Lazzari

Reprinted by permission of the Valley Times.