"Lazzari's Sports Roundup" -- 9-25-04

How 'bout RB Quentin Griffin of the Denver Broncos in Week 1? No, I'm not talking about his 156 yards rushing and three TD's vs. the Chiefs. I'm referring to Griffin HANDING THE BALL to the official after scoring. Yeah, it's gonna be tough NOT to root for this guy all season long..........TRIVIA QUESTION: What Minnesota Twins player has the team record for home runs in a season by a rookie? Answer to follow..........There have been rumors/rumblings around the N.Y. Mets clubhouse that certain players are having trouble succeeding late this season because of a "lack of motivation" due to their losing ways. Two words for these clueless dolts: TODD HELTON. The Colorado first baseman has NEVER been in a pennant race--yet realizes how lucky he is to be paid royally to play a kid's game while he continues to give 100% each time he takes the field; he's PROUD to be a major leaguer. Shame on these overpaid, underachieving Mets; let's hope the next manager doesn't put up with this type of irrational garbage..........Lazzari's "Lopsided Score of the Week": In a college football game last week in the Midwest, St. Ambrose defeated Waldorf 71-7. Geez, if the victorious team had scored just a few more points, their total would have started to resemble the price of a ROOM at the Waldorf..........Did you know that, in 1957, the Washington Senators had a team total of only THIRTEEN stolen bases? That last-place squad was led by reserve infielder Julio Becquer--who stole a grand total of just three bases that season while appearing in only 43 games..........How 'bout that recent U.S. Open women's tennis final between Russians Elena Dementieva and Svetlana Kuznetsova? I'll be the first to admit that I had more fun trying to pronounce their names than actually watching this match that generated such little fan interest. Had it been available, I swear I might have turned on ESPN rodeo coverage as an alternative. Well, then again, maybe it wasn't THAT bad..........This week in sports history, September 27, 1988: Canadian sprinter Ben Johnson--who had been victorious in the Olympic 100-meter final just three days before--is sent home by Canadian officials after testing positive for a performance-enhancing steroid. Having been timed at a blazing 9.79 seconds, Johnson's gold medal is then stripped--enabling American Carl Lewis (who finished in 9.92 seconds) to be declared the winner in Seoul, South Korea..........Braves shortstop Rafael Furcal has been busted again--his second drunken-driving arrest in four years. According to various sources, Furcal told the arresting officer, "I play for the Braves. Can you give me a chance?" Bad move, Rafael. If you REALLY wanted to drum up some sympathy, you should have said that you played for the lowly Diamondbacks instead..........Is there ANYTHING more annoying than ESPN's Suzy Kolber trying to talk above a roaring football crowd while giving a sideline report?..........I still don't like the QB situation in Washington. Even with legendary coach Joe Gibbs back at the helm, Mark Brunell is too brittle and his best days are behind him. Backup QB Patrick Ramsey--whom many thought would start this year--is too indecisive, aims the ball, and is terrible under pressure. I'd be shocked if Gibbs experiences an extreme amount of success with EITHER of these guys heading the offense..........Some more Chris Berman-inspired "Lazzari Nicknames" for you--past and present: Kyle Petty "Theft," Kate Golden "Arches," Travis "Let's Hear It For" LaBoy, "Deputy" D.A. Weibring, Tom "Whooping" Coughlin, Eddie "Hold The" Mayo, and Mickey Stanley "Steemer"..........Answer to trivia question: JIMMIE HALL--who clubbed 33 round-trippers while playing the outfield for the 1963 Twins..........From the "Telling It Like It Is" Dept.: Basketball legend Bob Cousy--in his 1988 book Cousy on the Celtic Mystique: "That is the thinking that has gone on for years in college recruiting. I must cheat to be successful. The amount of cheating, or the seriousness of the offense, is directly related to the size of the program and the amount of money at stake. The small schools cheat a little bit and the big guys cheat a lot."..........From the "Lazzari Matchmaking" Dept.: Can you imagine if LPGA player Nancy Scranton married Marlins outfielder Juan Pierre, divorced, married former NFL defensive back Bo Orlando--divorced again--then married former big leaguer Mike Lansing? Geography buffs would delight in her full name of Nancy Scranton Pierre Orlando Lansing..........Christian Laettner has signed a one-year contract with the Miami Heat--his FOURTH team in the last three months. This guy changes zip codes more often than Madonna changes hairstyles..........Finally, happy birthday wishes go out to former big league infielder Johnny Pesky--who blows out 85 candles on September 27th. In a 10-year career with the Red Sox, Tigers, and Senators, Pesky finished with an impressive lifetime batting average of .307. In addition, he collected at least 200 hits in his first three seasons in the majors (while in Boston)--a feat most recently equaled by the Mariners' Ichiro Suzuki. Here's wishing you continued health and happiness, Johnny.

Bob Lazzari

Reprinted by permission of the Valley Times.