"Lazzari's Sports Roundup" - - - - 2-27-10

"Tales Of The Philandering Woods"

An SUV crashes during the wee morning hours,
It struck a lone hydrant--near some shrubs and some flowers.
The most famous of "Tigers" had been found at the scene,
Windows were smashed--and it was FAR from serene.
The rumors would fly--as to why he fled home,
It became a news story from Orlando to Rome.
There were rumblings 'round town that this Tiger was cheating,
And his wife grew perturbed during a face-to-face meeting.
The stories were sketchy--was he hurt or just dazed?
A few days would pass--many questions were raised.
Some say that Elin had chased after her spouse,
When convinced that this "cheetah" was a philandering louse.
Did his wife smash his window--was she filled with pure rage?
Was it an 8 or a 9-iron--was it used at Bethpage?
It was early December as the affairs came to light,
It surely seemed Tiger was SO BUSY at night!
He scored OFF the course and without using clubs,
Did he meet any conquests at resorts or at pubs?
There were escorts and waitresses and the numbers kept growing,
There were photos of Elin--her devastation was showing.
In the eyes of his wife--could it get any worse?
Did he cheat with a bartender, a teacher, a nurse?
It may be awhile before this Tiger says "Fore!"
Will his lovely wife Elin show Eldrick the door?
My question to Tiger--as I continue this poem,
Is HOW COULD YOU CHEAT--with such a beauty at home?
He lost some endorsements--other sponsors cared less,
They just turned their heads amid this scandalous mess.
The mistress-list grew--could it be twenty or thirty?
A man with THOSE numbers is a tad more than "flirty."
He admitted to cheating--he'd take a break from the links,
And then entered rehab to see qualified "shrinks."
He was called a philanderer, a "player", a fraud,
Those scratches on his face--did this Tiger get clawed?
Last Friday he spoke--it was prepared and contrived,
The mood was quite somber--no one was "high-fived."
Some fellow rehabbers said that Tiger's sincere,
Will he play at The Masters? That's still so unclear.
He said he was sorry--that he disappointed us all,
In front of a crowd that was hand-picked and so small.
His Mom was in front--so was Notah Begay,
The whole world listened; HOW much would he say?
There were no excuses--which would have surely been lame,
He's a full-vested member in the Golf Hall of Shame.
He thanked all his friends--said he needs some restraint,
As we continued to realize that this Tiger's no saint.
He said, "Character and decency are really what count,"
But will his stockpile of women continue to mount?
He pleaded for the press to leave his family alone,
As he goes for more treatment in an attempt to atone.
His caddie Steve Williams says he'll protect the star player,
But with any more scandals, Steve will only get grayer.
Some more questions to come--just WHEN will he play?
Will there be any MORE women who'll cause Tiger to stray?
I'm sure he'll return and once again be a force,
But I hope all his 'scoring' is done ON the golf course.
I feel for his kids--whose Dad's a known cheater,
I hope they'll have role models like Gandhi or Jeter.
In all seriousness, I want Tiger to be healthy,
We already KNOW that he'll always be wealthy.
His ego is HUGE--may have caused all this mess,
It's a part of his rehab that I HOPE he'll address.
To walk a straight path will test his recuperative powers,
Will he kiss Elin's feet and then send her some flowers?
I hope treatment works, the man's future's at stake,
Even if we assume that his apologies are fake.
I hope he returns as a totally-changed man,
I think that's the hope of most every golf fan.
But as I digress and put this humor aside,
Golf is just not the same without Tiger in stride.

"Lazzari's Sports Roundup" - - - - 2-20-10

Congratulations go out to Eastern CT State University athletes Stephanie Norell and Brittany Whiteley (both juniors)--co-recipients of the 2010 Holly Zimmerman Memorial Award (Holly--a former ECSU athlete--passed away in 1993). The award is given yearly to individuals who've made significant contributions to the school's athletic program and possess Holly's qualities of determination, loyalty, and thoughtfulness. Norell possesses a 3.95 GPA and has been a three-year member of the soccer team. Whiteley--co-captain of the basketball squad--has played three years for the Warriors and has been a member of the LEC academic honor roll. Terrific work, ladies.........TRIVIA QUESTION: When the Philadelphia Flyers won the Stanley Cup in 1975, who was the team's leading goal-scorer that season? Answer to follow..........All I'll say about the 2010 SI Swimsuit Issue is THIS: Page 164, fellas--PAGE 164..........Lazzari's "Lopsided Score of the Week": In a CT high school girls basketball game last week, Bacon Academy battered New London 90-24. Just HOW bad was this fiasco? The winning team--presumably with its foot off the accelerator--outscored its overmatched opponent 30-7 in the final quarter. I'm just wondering if the New London coach was content to keep the opponent under the century mark--or extremely despondent that the losing squad's point output just BARELY toppled the frigid temps outside the gymnasium that evening..........ITEM: Troubled wide receiver Matt Jones signs with the Cincinnati Bengals; the team reportedly is also interested in the services of "Mr. Suspension"--Adam "Pacman" Jones. Sheesh--regarding this team's recent off-the-field history: Where will they look to next when it comes to possible signings--the walls of the nearest post office?..........I used to think that ex-pitcher Nolan Ryan did age-defying things while he was in his 40's--that is until I came across a picture of a bikini-clad Jennifer Aniston the other day celebrating her 41st birthday in Cabo San Lucas..........This week in sports history, February 23, 1960: With former Dodger players, officials, and fans in attendance, Ebbets Field is met with a wrecking ball--beginning the ten-week dismantling of one of baseball's most famous ballparks. Built in 1913 by Charles Ebbets, the building was abandoned back in 1958 when the Dodgers bolted for the west coast; the team had won nine pennants and one world championship while in Brooklyn. An interesting fact is that the white wrecking ball had stitches painted on its sides--thus resembling a baseball. Former players such as Ralph Branca, Roy Campanella, and Carl Erskine were introduced during a pre-demolition ceremony..........A sign that you're getting OLD: I was at the Eastern CT/UMASS-Dartmouth basketball game last week in Willimantic when Mountain's "Mississippi Queen" was played over the P.A. system during a time-out. The problem? I remembered when that song was released in 1970--which was approximately 20 years BEFORE a majority of the people present in the gym that day were even BORN..........Answer to trivia question: REGGIE LEACH--who tallied 45 goals for Fred Shero's Flyers that season as the team won its second consecutive Stanley Cup..........Happy birthday wishes go out to former NHL player Tim Young--who blows out 55 candles on February 22nd. A native of Scarborough, Ontario who played center, Young spent ten seasons in the league between 1975 and 1985 with the North Stars, Jets, and Flyers; he tallied 195 goals and 341 assists for a career total of 536 points. Young's best season came during the 1976-'77 campaign while in Minnesota when he scored 29 goals while assisting on 66 others; he was named to play in the NHL All-Star Game that season. Injuries took their toll on Young late in his career as he played in a total of just 64 games with Winnipeg and Philadelphia between 1983 and 1985; best wishes, Tim..........Finally, condolences go out to the family of former college basketball coach Bud Millikan--who passed away recently at the age of 89. Millikan coached at Maryland for 17 seasons between 1950 and 1967--compiling a record of 243-182. Bud's Terrapin team won the ACC title and reached the NCAA Elite Eight during the 1957-'58 season--a year in which Maryland finished sixth in the nation in the final rankings. Known for graduating his players and focusing on defense, Millikan coached current Terps coach Gary Williams (a point guard) from 1964-1967; to this day, Williams gives Millikan tons of credit for providing him the inspiration necessary to become a head coach at the college level. May Coach Bud Millikan rest in peace.

"Lazzari's Sports Roundup" - - - - 2-13-10

The "Unwatchable NBA" Update: During a 91-81 loss to Atlanta last week, the Chicago Bulls shot 0-for-10 from three-point range. I'm just wondering what the father of a young Bulls fan tells his kid after the game when the child remarks, "Gee, Daddy--couldn't they have made just ONE for me tonight?"..........TRIVIA QUESTION: The 1995-'96 Philadelphia Flyers--who finished first in the NHL's Atlantic Division-- were led in points by Eric Lindros with a total of 115. However, Lindros did NOT lead the team in goals scored that season; can you name the player who did? Answer to follow..........ITEM: The Miami Dolphins have placed a statue of Don Shula in front of the team's new stadium in recognition of his NFL-record 347 victories. As of press time, there is absolutely NO truth to the rumor that the team also plans honor RB Ricky Williams by placing a bronzed cannabis plant not far from the Shula remembrance..........I came across a picture of lovely actress Cameron Diaz the other day practicing yoga at her Caribbean villa. Sheesh--and I used to think that watching WR Lance Alworth run a pass route was a thing of beauty..........Call me skeptical, but I'm placing an over/under # of 200 in regard to the combined games to be played by Carlos Beltran and Jose Reyes of the NY Mets this coming season..........This week in sports history, February 16, 1972: In a game played in Phoenix, Lakers center Wilt Chamberlain scores the 30,000th career point of his illustrious basketball career; however, Phoenix comes away with a 110-109 victory when "Wilt the Stilt" is called for goaltending of a Connie Hawkins shot with just three seconds remaining. Ironically, Chamberlain's milestone basket came on a goaltending call, too--when Neal Walk tried to block one of Wilt's attempts during the third quarter. Chamberlain finished the game with 19 points as Los Angeles lost for only the ninth time in 60 games..........ITEM: Tiger Woods and his wife Elin Nordegren seem to have reunited after his short stay at a sex-addiction clinic. Question: Wasn't this the same woman who--just a few weeks back--had hired a top divorce lawyer and was ready to run for the hills at the time? Call me cynical, but could something green that's made out of paper have anything to do with "coloring" her sudden change of heart? Nahhhhhhhh--shame on me..........Lazzari's "Lopsided Score of the Week": In a CT boys high school basketball game played last week, Windsor annihilated South Windsor 110-48; the winning squad outscored its overmatched opponent 35-6 in the third quarter of this laugher. If I'm the coach of the losing team, I use some comforting humor when addressing my players after the game and offer this: "Good news and bad news, guys. The good news is that you played very competitively in the fourth quarter tonight--being outscored 16-15. The BAD news is that a 62-point loss usually results in accelerated alopecia for coaches--which your biology teachers know better as RAPID HAIR LOSS..........Answer to trivia question: JOHN LeCLAIR--who led the Flyers that year with a total of 51 goals..........Happy birthday wishes go out to former NBA player Martin "Marty" Nessley--who blows out 45 candles on February 16th. An Ohio native who played at Duke, Nessley played only ONE NBA season--splitting the 1987-'88 campaign with the Clippers and the Kings. Yes, the 7'2" center scored 48 points in 44 games during his brief career--thus retiring with a 1.1 ppg average. Hey--they all can't be Kareem, right? Best wishes, Marty..........Finally, condolences go out to the family of former NFL player/broadcaster Tom Brookshier--who died recently of cancer in Pennsylvania at the age of 78. A native of New Mexico who played at Colorado, Brookshier joined the Eagles as a defensive back in 1953 and played with the team for seven seasons; he intercepted 20 passes during his career and helped lead the team to the 1960 NFL championship. Brookshier is one of seven Eagles to have his number (40) retired. He later teamed with Pat Summerall as CBS's top broadcasting duo--working three Super Bowls together. Personally, I'll always remember Brookshier for his straightforward, unforced commentary as I grew to love football during the 70's. Brookshier is survived by his wife, Barbara, daughters Betsy and Linda, a son--Thomas Jr.--and a granddaughter. May Tom Brookshier rest in peace.

"Lazzari's Sports Roundup" - - - - 2-6-10

I'll say it once again (and this tidbit warrants being mentioned WEEKLY in this column for as long as it runs): Roger Federer's record of reaching 23 straight Grand Slam tennis semifinals is at the TOP of the heap when it comes to ANY major sports record/milestone. Need a little more proof--besides the recent, unfathomable #23? This: Former tennis greats Rod Laver and Ivan Lendl are in second place with a total of TEN apiece (remarkable itself). Yes, simply amazing..........TRIVIA QUESTION: In December of 1983, the Detroit Pistons beat the Denver Nuggets 186-184--the highest-scoring game in NBA history. Four players (two from each team) scored more than 40 points apiece during the game; can you name any of these individuals? Answer to follow..........Lazzari's "Lopsided Score of the Week": In a CT girls high school basketball game last week, Prince Tech dismantled University 62-11; the score at halftime was 38-4 and University did NOT score in the second quarter. Question: Does the University coach look at the 24-7 second half score as a moral victory--or tear up the locker room knowing that two different Prince players outscored the entire University team by THEMSELVES?..........This week in sports history, February 9, 1991: In a lopsided 12-round decision, WBC junior middleweight champion Terry Norris batters former champion Sugar Ray Leonard in a fight held at New York's Madison Square Garden. The 23-year-old Norris sent Leonard to the canvas in the second and seventh rounds while working Leonard over with a variety of punches. Leonard--who was fighting for the first time in a year--formerly held the welterweight, junior middleweight, and middleweight titles at various times throughout his storied career..........ITEM: QB Kurt Warner announces his retirement at the age of 38. A future Hall of Famer? Absolutely. Here's a guy who threw for over 32,000 yards, was the fastest player in NFL history to 10,000 yards, and has the top three passing performances in Super Bowl history. He also led two different teams to Super Bowls; he and Fran Tarkenton remain the only NFL quarterbacks to throw for 100 touchdowns and 14,000 yards for two teams. Yes, we all know about his circuitous route to the NFL--Arena League days, etc. But I'll always remember the guy as a true CLASS ACT--a man of deep faith who will walk away from $11.5 million that he's due next year. Very refreshing, Kurt--and thanks for being YOU..........The "Unwatchable NBA" Update: In a game played in Detroit last week, the Heat beat the Pistons 92-65; Detroit scored a GRAND TOTAL of just 25 points in the second and third quarters COMBINED. Rumor has it that, following the game, Piston officials wanted to distribute Compazine to the many fans in attendance in order to combat severe nausea and vomiting; they later thought better of it after finding out that it is a prescription medication..........Answer to trivia question: ISIAH THOMAS (47) and JOHN LONG (41) for Detroit; KIKI VANDEWEGHE (51) and ALEX ENGLISH (47) for Denver..........Happy birthday wishes go out to former NBA player Abdul Jeelani--who blows out 56 candles on February 10th. Born Gary Cole in Bells, Tennessee, Jeelani has the distinction of scoring the first points in Dallas Mavericks franchise history back in 1980; he also had the Mavs' best individual scoring effort that season when he tallied 31 vs. Boston. He had previously played with the Trail Blazers and later played overseas in Italy and Spain. Jeelani is a charter member of the University of Wisconsin-Parkside's Athletic Hall of Fame; best wishes, Abdul..........Finally, condolences go out to the family of former ballpark organist Jane Jarvis--who died recently in New Jersey at the age of 94. Jane was Shea Stadium's "Queen of Melody" from 1964 to 1979; she had begun her career as a jazz pianist and had formerly played for the Braves at County Stadium in Milwaukee. Those of us lucky to have been to Shea during her tenure were always treated to an unforgettable, eclectic musical style. Tony DeAngelo, my co-host on CTV-14's "Monday Night Sports Talk," summed up Ms. Jarvis' legacy this way: "She was NOT a sports fan, but simply a musician who had an extra job playing at a ballpark and a stadium club at night. But yet, she had an incredible gift of playing the right music at the right time during a game. When Seaver took the mound, it was 'Mr. Wonderful'--Tug McGraw, the 'Irish Jig.' And if the Mets won a game in extras, it was 'We Just Couldn't Say Goodbye.' Finally, there was no greater feeling than sitting in your seat when the game ended with the scoreboard blinking--with Jane playing exit music; it was mostly soft stuff--like 'Smile' or 'My Reverie.' Quite frankly, she was the music of the Mets' life back then." Amen, Tony; may the "Queen of Melody"--Jane Jarvis--rest in peace.