"Lazzari's Sports Roundup" - - - - 2-28-09

I'm not sure if I find the following statement DISTURBINGLY sad or TOTALLY hilarious: From this day forward, whenever I hear The Searchers' version of "Needles and Pins," I'll think of major league baseball..........TRIVIA QUESTION: The 1988-'89 Cleveland Cavaliers--who finished 57-25 under coach Lenny Wilkens--had three players on the squad who averaged more than 18 points per game. Can you name these three individuals? Answer to follow..........Lazzari's "Lopsided Score of the Week": In a Connecticut girls high school basketball game recently, Hale Ray demolished Hyde 50-4 (you read that correctly, folks)--with the winning squad having held a 30-2 lead at the half. If I'm the Hyde coach addressing my team after the game, I inject some comforting humor and offer this: "Good news and bad news, girls: The bad news is that you were just blown away and annihilated by your opponent and were never in the game. The GOOD news is that our score could not go BELOW ZERO--unlike some of the wind chill temps here in New England lately!"..........You know, we often see paired words/terms on the daily sports page that usually signify bad news--i.e. pitcher/shoulder, quarterback/concussion, runner/MRI, etc. Let me add a new pair to that list: player and NIGHTCLUB..........This week in sports history, March 2, 1951: In the NBA's inaugural All-Star Game, the East beats the West 111-94 in front of more than 10,000 people at the Boston Garden. The Celtics' Ed Macauley led all scorers with 20 points; Philadelphia's Joe Fulks added 19 points for the East squad. Macauley starred on defense, too--holding Minneapolis' star center George Mikan to just 12 points on 4-of-17 shooting. Alex Groza of Indianapolis led the losing West team with 17 points..........ITEM: Steelers kicker Jeff Reed pleads guilty to disorderly conduct/criminal mischief charges after breaking a towel dispenser in a convenience score; he had become infuriated when there were no towels for him to use in the restroom. He was fined $543.50. Advice to Jeff: Go out and buy a "Terrible Towel"--the famed rally flag waved by Pittsburgh fans at home games--and keep it in your glove compartment. At last glance, they retailed for just $7.95 apiece at the team's online store; a single purchase may very well save you TONS of money in future fines..........Quick question: While attending various men's/women's college basketball games this season, I've noticed that the souvenir programs given to fans list both the heights and weights of the men but ONLY the heights of the women. Hmmmmmm--do I sense a slight double-standard/touch of unfairness there?..........Just wondering: If tennis player Lindsay Davenport ever married former Catholic University wide receiver Matt Lohan, would she even WANT to publicize/be known by her married name of Lindsay Lohan?..........Answer to trivia question: BRAD DAUGHERTY (18.9), MARK PRICE (18.9), and RON HARPER (18.6)..........CLASSIC quote by my "Monday Night Sports Talk" co-host Tony DeAngelo--when asked about the overall truthfulness at A-ROID's recent, controversial press conference: "I truly believe that, at one time, someone also injected him with HORSE MANURE."..........Happy birthday wishes go out to former ABA/NBA player Willie Wise--who blows out 62 candles on March 3rd. A forward out of Drake University, Wise played a total of nine seasons in both leagues--the majority of them coming as a member of the L.A./Utah Stars of the ABA. During his seven-year ABA tenure, Wise averaged over 19 points per game and was a member of the '70-'71 Stars championship squad. A highly-esteemed defender, Wise also played for the Virginia Squires while in the ABA before ending his career with the NBA's Sonics in 1978; best wishes, Willie..........Finally, condolences go out to the family of former NFL linebacker Brad Van Pelt--who died recently of an apparent heart attack at his home in Michigan; he was 57. A two-time All-American at Michigan State, he won the Maxwell Award in 1972 as the nation's best player. Professionally, he played for the Giants, Raiders, and Browns and was selected to five straight Pro Bowls from 1976 to 1980. Van Pelt was formerly named the Giants' Player of the Decade for the 1970's; he was also an accomplished baseball player and was drafted by the St. Louis Cardinals as a pitcher. May Brad Van Pelt rest in peace.

"Lazzari's Sports Roundup" - - - - 2-21-09

Ode To The 'Roid Bums

It was back in the 90's when Fay V. was "commish,"
A clean game of baseball was his ultimate wish.
He saw the potential for the game to go bad,
He warned of expulsion for the drug-using lad.
A few years would pass and the long balls were flying,
As the skeptics and purists were secretly crying.
Sammy and Mark were among the league leaders,
Some like yours truly just surmised they were cheaters.
A guy nicknamed "Cammy" gave SI bad news,
He claimed he took drugs that were stronger than booze.
"Steroids are rampant," said Ken Caminiti,
He later would die on the streets of the city.
And then there was Barry with his monstrous home runs,
His head had grown bigger--as well as his "guns."
In 2001, Bonds re-wrote history,
He didn't hit 60--he hit SEVENTY-THREE!
He'd pick a good pitch and proceed to uncoil,
He denied steroid use--it was pure flaxseed oil!
He'd pass Henry Aaron and his numbers turned heads,
He became such a villain--did he lie to the "feds?"
He may do hard time--yes, he'll no longer play,
Perhaps Bonds will share a small cell with O.J.
A man named "The Rocket" got better with age,
He was mean to Piazza--a sign of 'roid rage!
It was Roger and Brian and tons of denials,
Needles, syringes, some gauze pads and vials.
McNamee spoke--did he fear for his life?
He said he "shot" Roger--as well as his wife!
And then there was Pettitte--said he used it just ONCE,
Truthfully, Andy, do you think I'm a dunce?
McGwire and Sosa--yes, they went to D.C.,
They came off as weasels--as clear as can be.
And Mr. Canseco--he was called "way off base,"
He said steroid use was all over the place!
Ridiculed, bad-mouthed, Jose took it all,
As players got bigger and records would fall.
Excuses, excuses--and man, are they lame,
In upstate New York should be a new Hall of Shame.
It was A-ROD and Sheffield, Giambi and Pettitte,
The Yankees were dirty--but some fans forget it.
And Torre knew nothing--put his head in the sand,
While guys did more drugs than an 80's rock band.
And now we hear A-ROD was ingesting the "dope,"
This stuff's more bizarre than a CBS soap.
When A-ROD's at-bat, we all should yell "Fraud!"
And then turn the channel--perhaps a rerun of "Maude."
"Advanced training methods" was always their "shtick,"
Some should do time just like one Michael Vick.
The owners are guilty--as is head honcho Bud,
For knowing these players had "juice" in their blood.
The fans are still watching--still applauding these bums,
With me, I see homers--then reach for the Tums.
The union's pure evil and condones criminal acts,
To them it's 'bout MONEY--to hell with the facts.
Don't worry, just cheat--that's the message they send,
You CAN break the rules--it's a means to an end.
Mr. Fehr, Mr. Orza--when you're not at a meeting,
Do you secretly scheme to find NEW ways of cheating?
It's 'bout gaining an edge--yes, regardless of rules,
If there's money to be made, the union just drools.
I'll soon see these players as they walk to the plate,
And I'll think about scandals like the famed 'Watergate.'
These guys have grown bigger--and sign contracts with glee,
It reminds me of storylines from the WWE.
They're cheaters and liars--they ALL should be busted,
And meanwhile us ball fans become more disgusted.
They'll take HGH and then tell us they're clean,
It's no longer "baseball"--do you know what I mean?
I'll still recognize all those homers by Aaron,
As these idiots keep cheating while truly not carin'.
I long for the old days when the players had GUTS,
They didn't take short cuts--or put needles in butts.
I'll focus on great ones--yes, players like Mays,
Who didn't shoot up but made excellent plays.
I know that us sports writers--we sometimes get wordy,
Even more so when talking 'bout men who are dirty.
And now as I close I will offer you this,
It's become such a "freak show"--it's BASEBALL that I miss.

"Lazzari's Sports Roundup" - - - - 2-14-09

For those of you out there who are concerned about the political future/leadership of our nation--and its overall welfare in general--please be advised that we ALL can take solace in at least one thing: Isiah Thomas has yet to enter the field of politics..........The "Who Am I" TRIVIA QUESTION: After playing college ball at Jackson State and being a first-round draft pick, I played in the NBA for 12 seasons--mostly for a team on the west coast. As a guard/forward, I averaged more than 18 points per game for five consecutive seasons during the 80's--highlighted by a mark of 28 ppg during the '84-'85 campaign. I could shoot free throws, too, as I compiled a career mark of 82% from the line while playing in over 800 games. Who am I? Answer to follow..........Lazzari's "Lopsided Score of the Week": In a college basketball game played a few weeks ago in St. Louis, Crichton College defeated Logan 118-37; the winning squad outscored its overmatched opponent 62-14 in the second half of this laugher and outrebounded Logan in the game 50-16. Let's put it this way: When your team is on the short end of a game by 80 points or more, giving out a "game ball" is truly out of the question. Perhaps more therapeutic would be a game BAWL--with the losing coach leading the weeping/whimpering in a devastated post-game locker room..........The adjectival definition of the word "criminal?" The fact that baseball commissioner Bud Selig basically earns more than NBA commish David Stern and NHL commish Gary Bettman COMBINED. Put that together with MLB having laid off employees over the past year or so and you've reached the height of absurdity/insanity..........This week in sports history, February 16, 1984: 23-year-old Californian Bill Johnson captures gold in Olympic downhill skiing--clocking a sizzling time of 1:45.59 at the Games in Sarajevo. The cocky Johnson--who had told reporters before the race that "they should just hand it (the gold medal) to me"--performed his heroics after heavy snow and winds had postponed the downhill three times. Johnson finished 27/100 of a second faster than Switzerland's Peter Mueller and 34/100 faster than Anton Steiner of Austria..........I loved the way WFAN's Mike McCann began one of his sports updates last weekend: "A-Rod, A-Roid, A-Fraud, A MESS!" Yes, Mike, and I'll add 'AMEN' to that..........Still think that effective free-throw shooting is overrated in college basketball? Don't tell that to Eastern CT St. University coach Bill Geitner--whom I spoke with before his team took on Southern Maine last Saturday: "If we were shooting 70% from the line this season instead of 55%, we probably have FIVE more wins," Geitner told me. "Yeah, it's BEYOND frustrating--but kinda what I expected from such a young group of guys"..........Answer to trivia question: PURVIS SHORT--who averaged 17.3 ppg in a career spent with Golden State, Houston, and New Jersey..........Regarding the aforementioned Alex Rodriguez and his link to steroids: I truly don't have much to say about it--mainly because it's not shocking to me WHATSOEVER; I was actually more surprised that the sun rose seven days last week. One of the best comments about it came from the N.Y. Post's Mike Vaccaro--who compared the skinny rookie in 1995 to the bulked-up A-ROD eight years later. Vaccaro simply conveyed that "it doesn't take long to conclude that he got that way by using something other than a bowl of Wheaties and a pile of Flintstone chewable vitamins every morning."..........Happy birthday wishes go out to former major league pitcher Glen Abbott--who blows out 58 candles on February 16th. Abbott spent 11 years in the majors between 1973 and 1984--hurling for the A's, Mariners, and Tigers. Used primarily as a starter, Abbott won 12 games for Seattle in both the 1977 and 1980 seasons; in his career, he won 62 games and lost 83 while appearing in 248 games. Perhaps the highlight of his career happened in September of '75 when Abbott and three other A's pitchers combined to no-hit the California Angels. Currently, Glenn is the pitching coach of the Portland Beavers in the Pacific Coast League; best wishes, Glenn..........Finally, condolences go out to the family of former Stanford/U.S. Olympic track and field coach Payton Jordan--who died recently of cancer at his Laguna Hills, CA home; he was 91. Jordan was a star sprinter at USC in the 1930's and coached at Stanford from 1957 to 1979. But he will always be remembered for his work at the 1968 Olympics in Mexico City--where he led the U.S. men's track team to 24 medals --12 of them gold. After retiring from coaching, Jordan dominated masters track meets--setting world records in the 100 and 200 meters in his age groups. He was married to his wife Marge for 66 years before she died in 2006; may Coach Jordan rest in peace.

"Lazzari's Sports Roundup" - - - - 2-7-09

A Day At The Geissler Gym


PRE-GAME
I arrive in Willimantic last Sat. around 2:45 to check out the Eastern CT/UMass Boston men's basketball game; I see a campus cop ticketing cars where I normally park, so I decide to park elsewhere--FAR away. A lovely young co-ed exits her car next to me and enters the nearby dorm; I wish I was 22 again. I enter the gym amid the STRONG smell of chlorine from the adjacent pool; it's probably as HOT in the gym as it is in the pool area--feels like 85 degrees. I pick up my rosters from the table behind the bench and wave to ECSU coach Bill Geitner--a pleasant man who recently appeared on my cable show; I decide to sit in the stands for a better view. ECSU assistant women's coach Stan Harris greets me there with a big smile after his team just annihilated the UMB gals in the previous game; I guess it's easy to smile when your team is now 17-2. It's HOT--time to lose the winter coat, Bob. Good crowd--Alumni Day.
FIRST HALF
ECSU gets off to a quick 4-0 lead; I assume it'll be a LONG day for the 2-16 Beacons. UMB coach Charlie Titus is wearing all-black; I laugh to myself as I realize that his wardrobe may be appropriate if his team gets "buried." Two young kids under the age of 7 sitting in front of me with their Dad--one wearing a Josh Beckett jersey; I'm wondering if he even knows who Beckett IS. Jamie Kohn enters the game for ECSU about six minutes into it--a talented freshman whom I coached in middle school; must have had a bad week of practice as he's started almost every game up to now. "Dad" is now feeding his two kids HANDFULS of Life Savers; I wouldn't want to have to put these kids to bed later on. Jeremy Thompson of Eastern throws up a "brick" from the foul line and commits a bad foul ten seconds later; Geitner CAN'T be happy. Halfway through the period, Jamie gets fouled--ends up missing BOTH free throws; funny, he NEVER missed foul shots in high school and I surmise that he is now bending his knees too much. Kris Johnson of ECSU hits his third three-pointer to give his team a 19-18 lead--nothing but net. 4:23 left--timeout called; Little Richard's "Good Golly Miss Molly" blasts over the P.A. system while a hungry yours truly stares intently at the half-eaten Subway grinder just placed on the bleachers to my right by a gal behind me. The younger brother in front of me is now drawing imaginary circles on the bleachers; I assume he'd rather be elsewhere--maybe in a playground. 1:47 left--Johnson hits his FIFTH three-pointer to give ECSU a 34-24 lead; this could get ugly. He connects from downtown AGAIN with 1:03 left; I'm thinking that if he has a date later on, he's BOUND to get lucky. 18 first half points for Johnson; score at halftime: ECSU 37, UMass Boston 26. I'm still hungry.
HALFTIME
"Free Bird" blasts over the P.A. system as I conclude that none of these co-eds were even BORN when that song became popular. A kid with a "Hebron Basketball" t-shirt sits to my left--wearing a winter coat with SHORTS while I remember that the temp must be 20 outside; ah, the parenting of today, huh? "Sweet Home Alabama" follows and I'm thinking that perhaps this is a medley of Skynard tunes due to the recent death of keyboardist Billy Powell; nah, I remind myself that I've heard these songs all season long. A 21-year old, attractive blonde returns to her seat about three rows ahead; I wish I was 22 again--or even 30. One of the brothers is now drinking Orange Crush while the other is downing M&M's at a frantic pace; they're on a roll. "Tuesday's Gone" now playing; gotta love Skynard.
SECOND HALF
UMB has the first possession; James St. Fleur of UMass Boston makes an "old-fashioned" three-point play and I'm thinking this may be a game after all. Two minutes into the second half, a guy three rows down pops a bag and laughs to himself; he'd probably rather be somewhere else, too. Five female co-eds enter the gym for the first time five minutes into the second half; must be 'loyal' fans, huh? Time-out; cheerleaders are drowned out by Seger's "Rock and Roll Never Forgets." Sawyer of ECSU dunks and the crowd goes WILD; however, his team admires it rather than getting back on defense as Geitner throws his sport jacket and calls time out. "Wooly Bully" now blares--great party song. I get tapped on the shoulder by Stan Harris as he now sits next to me; we chat for about 15 minutes. He talks fondly of coach Ken Smith of Windsor High School--among other things; we can't wait for baseball season as we both love coaching at the middle-school level. Stan now has to leave to tend to family matters; I'm convinced there aren't many better/classier people than Stanley. Ernst Jean of UMB scores easily against Thompson; he's too quick for Thompson and I assume Coach Titus knows that. 9:36 left--Courtney Simmons of ECSU hits two free throws to give his team a 56-48 lead; both coaches are now without sport jackets as I wonder if they are wearing effective deodorant. Ref wipes the court with a towel; I could use one to wipe my brow, too. UMass Boston narrows the gap to 59-55; it shouldn't be this close. A three-pointer by Titus (I assume he's the coach's son) of UMB--then a time-out called by ECSU. Bob Molta, the SID of Eastern who keeps stats, documents each play, etc., talks over the P.A. about who donated shorts for the alumni game played beforehand; yeah, he works WAY too hard for his money. 3:43 left; Titus makes two foul shots to give UMASS a 61-60 lead. Simmons then throws up an air ball three-pointer for ECSU; Geitner must be fit to be tied. Time running out as ECSU is forced to foul Titus CONSTANTLY; he makes some, misses some but UMass Boston is pulling away. About a minute left--Ortiz makes a 3-pointer for ECSU to narrow the score to 69-63, but I'm thinking it's now "garbage time." Ortiz scores again with about 30 seconds left--now 72-69 UMB; however, Titus makes two more from the line and I'm convinced this one's over. FINAL: UMass Boston 75, ECSU 69. This wasn't supposed to happen.
POST-GAME
Sinatra's "New York, New York" now plays; the dejected, home crowd fans around me are NOT singing along. I approach the exit as the winter chill--reaching me BEFORE I open the door--cools me down FAST. I walk the hundred yards or so to my car; can't wait to eat the jelly stick that I bought two hours ago that may now be FROZEN on the front seat. I quickly think that ECSU just lost a TOUGH one--beaten by a lowly team at HOME. In any case, I conclude that it was an ugly game overall as both teams must have missed 25 free throws; that shouldn't happen. Oh well--another home game vs. Wesleyan to attend in a few days. I stare to my right and see a very cute gal--probably another resident co-ed--getting into her car; yeah, I wish I was 22 again.